Saturday, May 14, 2016

The QarDaeshian Stance

The empowering yet fabric-conservative attire Ms. QarDaeshian wore for her lecture at Harvard never risked detracting from the sheer power of her message.

Qim QarDaeshian: Should Drumpf become president, I might have to break the internet again!

In a brief interview with reality TV star, Qim QarDaeshian, moments before she gave her much awaited and hugely attended lecture at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health on the dangerous public health implications of passing laws forcing transgender parents to identify with their least favorite children, the sultry public intellectual said to be seriously considering running for the high office herself at some point in the future, made clear what she really thought about the possibility that Donald Drumpf might be elected as the 47th President of the United States. “If this happened,” she warned, “it will be on account of the shameful tergiversations of the Republican establishment who failed to take a clear stand against the rampant racism and misogyny of the man.” But, she continued, “it will also come as a reflection of our failure to educate voters from both political camps them as to the real and dangerous implications of this man’s facile policy proposal, the like of which we have not heard since the time Dufus Uproarius ran for a seat in the Roman Senate as a member of the Enslave and Fuck Party.”

But, would she do to help prevent or deal with that, our RP minds wanted to know. Will she contemplate breaking the internet again? “I don’t like to resort to such radical measures very time this country goes through a crisis, but this would not be an ordinary crisis. So, yes, I will have no choice but to break the internet again should Drumpf become president.”

And how would you accomplish that this time?

“Rather than precariously balancing a champagne glass on my buttocks, I might have to insert the man himself, hands, ego and all right up there. It’ll be a mercy killing of sorts, but America deserves no less of me.” 

Attempts to solicit a response from the Drumpf Campaign have failed to produce a response.


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