Saturday, May 28, 2016

Celebrity Un-Apprenticed

Having Angelina Jolie teach a course at the London School of Economics and George Clooney another at the Georgetown makes far more sense than listening to a lecture on moral awakening from a president who long lost his moral compass and is actually “proud” of what he did in Syria. The Polarity of our moral compass has indeed been ЯeveЯsed.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Mr. Edge

How does a person with great vision express himself? ЯeveЯsed Polarity wanted to know. But having vowed not to impose ourselves on her Poultriness, Mrs. Qim QarDaeshian, we went to the next best available alternative: her current beau, Mr. Qanye West, who graced us with this statement: 
A great man with a great vision has only two choices when it comes to expressing his vision to the world: he either lies uncontrollably or blabbers uncontrollably. Honesty is no longer a trait that is appreciated, nor is comprehensibility. Meanwhile, delusions of grandeur, justified or not, are the real-mind expanding drug of our time. This is what gives one a survival edge, what makes social Darwinism, in its purest unmitigated form, possible. Just think about it. Or is too real for you?

Saturday, May 21, 2016

QarDaeshian Exposed!

Finally, Unmasked and Uncovered! Qim QarDaeshian’s last fig leaf has fallen

Following on the heels of our previous edition’s interview with renowned public intellectual, Qim QarDaeshian, which some have found as “shocking” and “unusually audacious,” even by the sultry cuddly poultry’s quixotic standards, comes this no less jarring revelation: KIM KARDASHIAN: SECRET AGENT WOMAN.

Yes Officials in Iran have actually accused Mrs. QarDaeshian “of being a spy who posts revealing photos on Instagram in an attempt to corrupt young people.” For his part, Iran’s Supreme Leader, Ali Khamenei, said, through his spokesfiend, Nukedealis Ashamenei, that he “would have no problem whatsoever having this particular spy shag me if by doing so I can save the vulnerable youths of my befucked nation.”

When DDGD’s ЯeveЯsed Polarity (ЯP) did the interview with Mrs. QarDaeshian, it expected that this would mark the first and last time that it will have to stoop to such lofty lows, but the delirium was strong in this one, and so here we go again.

“What do you make of this, Mrs. QarDaeshian?” We asked the protagonist during a quick snapchat interview. “I don’t know,” she replied. “Now that my cover is really blown, I guess I just have to roll with it, retire and dedicate myself fulltime to pursuing my career as a reality TV star, even as I continue to pursue a triple PhD in handjobology, deliriology and voodoonomics.” But, the mega sign of our current disenchantment with the current global order added, “I have to admit that I have learnt much from my years as an agent of imperialist cultural supervision, and I am indeed quite proud of what I have managed to accomplish with the little I had to show for it.”

With this ЯeveЯsed Polarity believes that we have probably seen everything from Mrs. QarDaeshian, or so one hopes.

As for Iran’s ability to keep itself safe from the QarDaeshian Influence, the battle seems to be already lost.

A woman teacher in the capital said: “This is a country where prostitutes freely advertise on social media and look for customers in the streets, but educated and professional women end up in jail.”

Saturday, May 14, 2016

The QarDaeshian Stance

The empowering yet fabric-conservative attire Ms. QarDaeshian wore for her lecture at Harvard never risked detracting from the sheer power of her message.

Qim QarDaeshian: Should Drumpf become president, I might have to break the internet again!

In a brief interview with reality TV star, Qim QarDaeshian, moments before she gave her much awaited and hugely attended lecture at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health on the dangerous public health implications of passing laws forcing transgender parents to identify with their least favorite children, the sultry public intellectual said to be seriously considering running for the high office herself at some point in the future, made clear what she really thought about the possibility that Donald Drumpf might be elected as the 47th President of the United States. “If this happened,” she warned, “it will be on account of the shameful tergiversations of the Republican establishment who failed to take a clear stand against the rampant racism and misogyny of the man.” But, she continued, “it will also come as a reflection of our failure to educate voters from both political camps them as to the real and dangerous implications of this man’s facile policy proposal, the like of which we have not heard since the time Dufus Uproarius ran for a seat in the Roman Senate as a member of the Enslave and Fuck Party.”

But, would she do to help prevent or deal with that, our RP minds wanted to know. Will she contemplate breaking the internet again? “I don’t like to resort to such radical measures very time this country goes through a crisis, but this would not be an ordinary crisis. So, yes, I will have no choice but to break the internet again should Drumpf become president.”

And how would you accomplish that this time?

“Rather than precariously balancing a champagne glass on my buttocks, I might have to insert the man himself, hands, ego and all right up there. It’ll be a mercy killing of sorts, but America deserves no less of me.” 

Attempts to solicit a response from the Drumpf Campaign have failed to produce a response.